MY JOURNEY TO WHOLENESS✨

Healing is a gradual process—it's choosing every day to want and do better for myself.

Because of the series of events that have happened in my life, I found myself trying to process things faster than I should. I almost want to feel nothing because I feel things too deeply. I literally feel hurt physically. I can feel it in my heart—my chest starts to get really uncomfortable.

This started as a good thing because I wanted to be whole and not carry hurt around. I hated that I used to wallow in my sadness, and I just wanted to heal too fast because I was tired of the hurt. I'm tired of how I feel. I want to be whole—desperately. I just want to be better. I want better for myself, but I keep pushing myself too hard. I set goals for myself, and achieving them feels like a chore because I want everything done fast. I just want things to happen quickly.

"This is my cue to take a deep breath, pause, and let God work on my heart."

Now, wanting to heal fast has led me to stop processing my feelings altogether. When I get hurt, I just want to get over it really quickly. And while that’s not entirely wrong, I need to let myself feel things. It's okay to acknowledge that I'm hurt and that it's weighing me down. Being still and letting myself feel the pain is not wrong.

Honestly, my emotions have been spiraling. I’ve even started setting emotional goals because I know how much of a toll it’s taking on me.

I'm on a journey to healing. I'm letting go of hurt—but by processing it first. I'm getting rid of reactional patterns. I'm choosing to be free from the lies my mind tries to tell me. I am choosing to be whole! It may take a while, but I’ll be fine. I’ll be whole.

Side note: Somebody said something I didn’t like today, and I told the person how I genuinely felt—instead of covering it up and trying not to cause trouble (we're making progress 🥹). I did it, even though I got encouragement from my roommate. I still did it, and that’s what matters. Baby steps, right? 🤭

Thank You, Jesus, for putting the desire for healing in my heart. 🥹❤️

Thank you for reading!! ✨🤭🤍